Pleasure Principles — Boundaries, People-Pleasing, and the Power of “No” with Barb Nangle

On Pleasure Principles, host Avik Chakraborty sits down with boundaries coach Barb Nangle (Higher Power Coaching & Consulting; host of Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12-Step Recovery) to unpack why saying “no” feels threatening—and how to rebuild integrity, energy, and time with values-anchored limits. We talk acculturation (especially for eldest daughters), shifting from approval-seeking to self-approval, actionable first steps (start with yourself, then expand to others), and why boundaries are not control—they’re clear choices. Barb contrasts hustle-and-grind burnout with resilient, strategic service, and explains the 12-step framework as a practical technology for personal change: stepwise, communal, spiritual, and action-driven. Direct, usable, and grounded—so you can stop pouring from an empty cup and start living on your own terms.

About the guest  :

Barb Nangle is a boundaries coach, speaker, and founder of Higher Power Coaching & Consulting. After decades of therapy, she transformed her life through 12-step recovery, overcoming codependency, people-pleasing, and self-neglect. She hosts the podcast “Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12-Step Recovery.”

Key takeaways:

• “No” isn’t selfish—it's clarity. Saying no to others is saying yes to your priorities; selfishness is refusing support forever, not choosing yourself today.

• Acculturation drives people-pleasing. Many women—often eldest daughters—are taught to be helpers; boundaries require unlearning that role.

• Start with self-boundaries. e.g., “No work email after 6 p.m.” Follow through, feel the freedom, and build confidence before addressing others.

• Boundaries are about your actions, not control. “You can call anytime; I won’t answer after 8 p.m.” Define your response, not their behavior.

• Manage the feelings that surface. Guilt and shame are normal early signals; skills for feeling work keep you from caving.

• Move from external approval to self-approval. Integrity beats short-term likability; stop saying yes when you mean no.

• Watch the ‘steamroller’ dynamic. If you feel steamrolled, step off the road—reduce time/availability instead of trying to change others.

• 12-step recovery works because it’s structured, communal, and spiritual. Action + accountability + meaning accelerates real change.

• Resilience ≠ pushing through. Chronic over-giving is not strength; strategic service after “filling your cup” is.

• Values anchor durable boundaries. Identify your top five values and use them to decide where your yes/no goes.

 

Connect with the guest  

• Coaching: Higher Power Coaching & Consulting (search online)

• Podcast:Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12-Step Recovery (available on major apps)

• Social: Search “Barb Nangle Boundaries Coach” on LinkedIn/Instagram for current handles

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• DM Me Here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/avik

Disclaimer: This video is for educational and informational purposes only. The views expressed are the personal opinions of the guest and do not reflect the views of the host or Healthy Mind By Avik™️. We do not intend to harm, defame, or discredit any person, organization, brand, product, country, or profession mentioned. All third-party media used remain the property of their respective owners and are used under fair use for informational purposes. By watching, you acknowledge and accept this disclaimer.

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